the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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