So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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