from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
