it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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