On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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