it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize