Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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