If that was your dad, he is hot
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
