Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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