I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think my moral compass just broke
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
