I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Everyone says I win the strip club
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
