you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So drunk its hurt
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
