Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize