I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
