the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
