You really coming over, don't trick.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
