i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize