community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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