1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
