I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
