I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
