yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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