I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
