I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
