but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
