The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
