found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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