So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
