she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
