His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
