Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize