i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
