So drunk its hurt
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize