I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
