OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
