I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
