fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
