D3 body, D1 cock
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
