so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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