he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
