Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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