it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
