i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
