thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
