Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
