i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize