Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
