don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bring me that man meat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
