Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
