Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
