Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's like iHOP with fire
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
