I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
