It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
