Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Drunk is a universal language darling
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
