The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
