Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
