I wish i was in the wii world.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
