On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
