dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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