I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize