She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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