It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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